How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
