she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
