Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
