My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
