After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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