You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
