I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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