3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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