So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
