woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
