He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
