I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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