4 words: hood of his car
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
