If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
