You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
