Cold hands, warm shart.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
