he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
