I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
