he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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