don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
