It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
