Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
wow bdsm is so cute
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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