and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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