Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
