I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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