just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
