There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
