I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize