My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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