My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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