my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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