the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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