I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
