I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I did not marry a roomba.
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