Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
