we have pet lesbian snakes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
