I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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