508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
