Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize