Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize