Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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