Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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