My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i've created a new STD.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
