I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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