i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
