Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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