I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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