I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
