My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
