Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
