Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
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