she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
