We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
