And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
