Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
