the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize