My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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