peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
