I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize