you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
