so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
