And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
