Apparently you make a good broom.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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