I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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