Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i think my mom watched the whole time
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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