he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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