I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
