Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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