put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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