I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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